Stop Kids from Blaming Others! 10 Best Parenting Tips

By Jean Tracy, MSS

If your child often blames others for his mistakes, he has a blaming problem. Today you can help him tell the truth and take responsibility for his actions. Keep reading to find out what you can do.

Important Parenting Topics about Blame:

  1. Why some children blame
  2. 7 blaming defenses kids use
  3. 9 child behaviors for faulting others
  4. 6 common mistakes parents make
  5. 6 childhood goals to achieve
  6. 10 best parenting solutions.

Why Youngsters Blame

Why are some kids 'Billy the Blamers?' Why do they blast others with, "Look what you did, you stupid kid?" What don't they understand?

They don't know that all people are "mistake makers," including themselves. They think they must be perfect. Mistakes are like a wicked finger pointing to their imperfections. Blamers push that finger away and toward you, siblings, teachers, and others with their excuses.

You'll find solutions later on to help your child tell the truth. Right now, ask yourself, 'Has my child ever used these alibies?'

7 Typical Blaming Defenses

  1. "I didn't do it."
  2. "He did it."
  3. "It's not fair."
  4. "It wasn't me."
  5. "She made me do it."
  6. "It's my teachers fault."
  7. "You always blame me."

9 Blaming Behaviors

  1. Avoids admitting responsibility
  2. Whines to get sympathy
  3. Tattles first to avoid blame
  4. Convinces himself that he is right
  5. Rationalizes his behavior to others
  6. Manipulates the truth in his favor
  7. Cares only about his feelings
  8. Argues to get his way
  9. Creates the power struggles he can win

Mistakes Parents Make When Handling Blamers

Parents accidentally encourage more blaming by making excuses for their kids when they say:

  1. "She's ill."
  2. "She didn't sleep well last night."
  3. "Her sister set her up."
  4. "She thought I was accusing her."
  5. "She's just in a bad mood."

There are 3 more mistakes you can make with blamers:

  1. Accepting your child's accusations against you like, "It's your fault I left through the window last night. Your rules are too strict." You might think, 'Maybe it was my fault for having harsh rules. Baloney!
  2. Acting defensive, scared, or hurt when your child attacks you with yelling, swearing or slamming doors.
  3. Giving in or letting go of the blaming event to avoid power struggles.

6 Goals Parents Want Blamers to Learn

  1. Accept responsibility for mistakes
  2. Learn from mistakes.
  3. Brainstorm better solutions.
  4. Choose the best solution and act on it.
  5. Become accountable and dependable.
  6. Develop a strong moral character.

10 Practical Parenting Solutions for Blamers

  1. Avoid making excuses for your child.
  2. Avoid giving in.
  3. Be firm, serious, and reasonable without showing emotion.
  4. Speak and act with confidence even if you don't feel it.
  5. Name the blame. Say, "That's blaming. Tell the truth."
  6. Use consequences like, "If you admit you're responsible, you can watch your TV show. If you don't, then you'll go to bed an hour early." Brainstorm what your child likes and doesn't like for privileges and penalties.
  7. Say "Time-out for problem-solving. Come up with 3 specific ways you will use to overcome blaming." At the end of the time-out period, ask your child what he will do to stop blaming. For example, he could say, "I will calm down by taking 3 deep breaths, think before I speak, and admit what I did wrong." Get solutions from him because they are best. But don't accept shallow answers or "I don't know." Give praise when he offers good responses
  8. Create signals when you know he is blaming like raising your eyebrows. Say, "Tell me the truth so I can give you a thumbs up.
  9. Teach him how to apologize sincerely if an apology is needed.
  10. Hold a discussion about the fact that all people are "mistake makers" and that it's okay not to be perfect. Younger children can draw a picture of people they know. Add the title: "All People Are Mistake Makers" and post it on the fridge. Teach your family to repeat often, "Everybody makes mistakes" or "Nobody's perfect."

Conclusion for Stopping Kids from Blaming Others:

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