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Stop Kids from Blaming Others! 10 Best Parenting Tips
By Jean Tracy, MSS
If your child often blames others for his mistakes, he has a blaming problem. Today you can help him tell the truth and take responsibility for his actions. Keep reading to find out what you can do.
Important Parenting Topics about Blame:
1. Why some children blame
2. 7 blaming defenses kids use
3. 9 child behaviors for faulting others
4. 6 common mistakes parents make
5. 6 childhood goals to achieve
6. 10 best parenting solutions.
Why Youngsters Blame
Why are some kids ‘Billy the Blamers?' Why do they blast others with, “Look what you did, you stupid kid?” What don't they understand?
They don't know that all people are “mistake makers,” including themselves. They think they must be perfect. Mistakes are like a wicked finger pointing to their imperfections. Blamers push that finger away and toward you, siblings, teachers, and others with their excuses.
You'll find solutions later on to help your child tell the truth. Right now, ask yourself, ‘Has my child ever used these alibies?'
7 Typical Blaming Defenses
1. “I didn't do it.”
2. “He did it.”
3. “It's not fair.”
4. “It wasn't me.”
5. “She made me do it.”
6. “It's my teachers fault.”
7. “You always blame me.”
If you're like most parents, these words are not music to your ears. Sometimes children whine or shout so convincingly that you're not sure what to believe. If you hear these words often, beware. Your child may be developing a dishonesty habit to keep out of trouble. In addition to what your youngster might say, here are 9 actions he might use to dodge guilt.
9 Blaming Behaviors
1. Avoids admitting responsibility
2. Whines to get sympathy
3. Tattles first to avoid blame
4. Convinces himself that he is right
5. Rationalizes his behavior to others
6. Manipulates the truth in his favor
7. Cares only about his feelings
8. Argues to get his way
9. Creates the power struggles he can win
How many of these behaviors does your child use? If it's hard for him to tell the truth, you can help. Before we get to solutions, it's important to understand errors parents make when dealing with their children who blame.
Mistakes Parents Make When Handling BlamersParents accidentally encourage more blaming by making excuses for their kids when they say:
1. “She's ill.”
2. “She didn't sleep well last night.”
3. “Her sister set her up.”
4. “She thought I was accusing her.”
5. “She's just in a bad mood.”
It's a big blooper to make alibis for a child who blames because it sweeps away any reason for that child to change. A parent's excuses make it alright to accuse others when things aren't going their child's way.
There are 3 more mistakes you can make with blamers:
1. Accepting your child's accusations against you like, “It's your fault I left through the window last night. Your rules are too strict.” You might think, ‘Maybe it was my fault for having harsh rules. Baloney!
2. Acting defensive, scared, or hurt when your child attacks you with yelling, swearing or slamming doors.
3. Giving in or letting go of the blaming event to avoid power struggles.
These 3 parenting blunders show signs of weakness. Fighting back isn't wise when your child's distorted thinking and mood are loud and irrational. There are better times and ways to solve the problem and they aren't weak. Next let's note the 6 goals parents want to achieve.
6 Goals Parents Want Blamers to Learn
1. Accept responsibility for mistakes
2. Learn from mistakes.
3. Brainstorm better solutions.
4. Choose the best solution and act on it.
5. Become accountable and dependable.
6. Develop a strong moral character.
As the parent, you are the model for your child to follow. But that is not enough. If your child is to achieve these goals, you must be his teacher and guide. Here are some blaming answers to practice.
10 Practical Parenting Solutions for Blamers
1. Avoid making excuses for your child.
2. Avoid giving in.
3. Be firm, serious, and reasonable without showing emotion.
4. Speak and act with confidence even if you don't feel it.
5. Name the blame. Say, “That's blaming. Tell the truth.”
6. Use consequences like, “If you admit you're responsible, you can watch your TV show. If you don't, then you'll go to bed an hour early.” Brainstorm what your child likes and doesn't like for privileges and penalties.
7. Say “Time-out for problem-solving. Come up with 3 specific ways you will use to overcome blaming.” At the end of the time-out period, ask your child what he will do to stop blaming.
For example, he could say, “I will calm down by taking 3 deep breaths, think before I speak, and admit what I did wrong.” Get solutions from him because they are best. But don't accept shallow answers or “I don't know.” Give praise when he offers good responses.
8. Create signals when you know he is blaming like raising your eyebrows. Say, “Tell me the truth so I can give you a thumbs up."
9. Teach him how to apologize sincerely if an apology is needed.
10. Hold a discussion about the fact that all people are “mistake makers” and that it's okay not to be perfect. Younger children can draw a picture of people they know. Add the title: “All People Are Mistake Makers” and post it on the fridge. Teach your family to repeat often, “Everybody makes mistakes” or “Nobody's perfect.”
Conclusion for Stopping Kids from Blaming Others:
If you make excuses for your child's blaming problem, painful consequences could happen now and in the near and distant future. That goes for your child and whoever he may blame. Break the blaming habit when he is young. Use the 10 parenting tips and keep in mind the 6 goals. If you do, you'll be raising your child with an honorable character. Your home life will be happier too.
Enjoy this brief video How Parents Help Kids Stop Blaming Others
Download today 15 discussion stories with puzzles and answers to share with your kids at Character Building on Back Talk Street You'll find Billy the Blamer's complete story inside..
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