If you've been accused of spoiling your son or daughter and you know it's true, it's you who must change. Today you'll hear the story of an overindulged girl who felt contempt for her generous mother. You'll hear the daughter's insults and the mother's confusion. To avoid raising a spoiled child, consider using the 7 simple methods below.
As a child and family counselor, many caring parents brought in their self-absorbed children for me to "fix." The parents didn't know they needed to change first.
I remember a mom who smiled as she quietly said, "I don't know why she treats me so badly. Ever since she was little, I've tried to please her."
The daughter was 12 years-old.
After getting some background from her mother, I asked the child to come in.
When I saw the daughter's sneer, I wasn't surprised. With arrogance, the girl said, "I hate my mom. She's pathetic."
"Why?" I asked.
"I can make her do anything I want."
By being too kind, the mother wanted her child's love and to make her happy. Instead she received contempt. By being sassy and demanding, the daughter over-powered her parent and got what she wanted.
Don't let this happen to you.
If your child uses words like these, of course you're hurt. You might feel angry too. If you yell, lecture, or hit, you lose. Yelling, lecturing, and hitting will be used against you by your child. Besides fuming with hurt feelings, you'll end up feeling guilty too.
Make the choice between being too kind and not firm to becoming kind and firm. Let go of hoping your child will love you by giving her what she wants. It's time to become the parent she needs and take a stand.
Think with firmness not anger. Decide how you will react to your child's disrespect. No longer will you be the victim of her moods.
Pull back and see the bigger picture. If you remain too "easy," her behavior will worsen.
Tell yourself, "I won't keep putting up with her insults. I am going to change." She may rebel even more to get you back to being her doormat. When she realizes you've changed for good, she may too.
These 7 strategies take very few words. They rely on your action. None of the actions are unreasonable and they do take thought.
It's tough when parents are too nice and children are not. If you've been too kind and don't like the results, you can change. It takes taming your temper, thinking and acting with reason, and determining to take action. You CAN be a kind and firm parent.
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